Rusty Reports: Dr Feelgood and the UCW Aftershock Heavyweight Championship
It takes a lot to make a level-headed, even-tempered, good-natured person like me angry but a couple of the championship matches at UCW – Anarchy Rules on Saturday left me fuming ! Without a doubt the most upsetting feature of the night was Dr “Wilbur” Feelgood’s capture of the UCW Aftershock Heavyweight Championship. Feelgood, for those of you lucky enough not to know him, is a wannabe rock star and wannabe wrestler who achieved D-list celebrity status earlier this year with the release of a movie documenting his medically enabled weight loss. The self-appointed Doctor (who incidentally has no medical or academic qualifications whatsoever) returned to the ring in 2017 to bask in his new-found fame and inexplicably found favour with some wrestling fans and commentators.
Now I was absolutely delighted when Rufguts Roddy Gunn gave the deluded doctor a lesson in humility at UCW Bad Company in July. Rufguts, hilariously, gave him a “taste of his own medicine” when he force-fed his opponent some six-month old saveloys during that match and walked away with a well-deserved win. Fast forward to Saturday’s rematch at Anarchy Rules and I was confident that history would repeat itself and, as an added bonus, that Rufguts would walk away with the vacant Aftershock Championship as well. However, things didn’t turn out quite as expected. Firstly, I think Rufguts may have made a tactical error by focussing his attack on the addled amateur’s head. Sleeper holds work by cutting off the supply of blood to the brain but Feelgood’s brain is barely functional, or functioning, at the best of times so this was probably less effective against him than against a normal human being.
Ultimately, an unconscious Feelgood collapsed on top of Rufguts (who had been inadvertently stunned while his opponent flailed about helplessly) and the referee ruled it as a pinfall. The decision was an absolute disgrace and the result an absolute travesty. I can’t believe that anyone can think it appropriate for the Aftershock belt to be awarded to such an egregious clown in such controversial circumstances ! Feelgood is not only an embarrassment to the sport of professional wrestling he is also a disgrace to humanity as evinced by his gratuitous romantic advances towards a young woman in the crowd at the show.
In conclusion, I can only paraphrase King Henry 2nd of England – “Who will rid me of this troublesome chump ?” Somebody – anybody – needs to step up and avenge this shocking miscarriage of justice by decisively defeating Dr Feelgood and restoring the honour and integrity of the Aftershock Heavyweight Championship. UCW – Sole Survivor is only a month away – Sunday November 5 at Cowles Stadium in Christchurch – so a challenger needs to be found, and quickly !
For Ultimate Championship Wrestling – I’m Rusty Blade and I am apoplectic with rage !